So, Robot Wars the TV series is gone again – for those of you not living in the UK, Robot Wars was a UK TV show that encouraged home teams to build robots and battle it out gladiator style while the crowd cheered them on, ably assisted by house robots to move things on a bit. So this was a format that should have kicked all the nuts right?
Any idea why? Here is a clue…
These are the house robots from when the series stumbled back on to television in 2016. They are essentially unchanged from the originals some however many years (15?) ago. They are basically a remote control chassis with come armour and spinny things or claws.
Face it, they really are fucking shit. Do they look like they could war anything except perhaps a toy shop in the 1990s? To get away from them you just need to step over them or put a brick in their way. Are these robots? No. Are these crap remote control cars? Yes. Is there anything ‘Robot’ or ‘Wars’ about them? No. They are, as I said, shit. And these are the high budget ones that the TV show produced in house. Imagine how craptastic the home made ones were? For a long time the best one (I won’t say robot) was a small wedge shape with a spinning blade at the front. Seriously, absolute shit.
Anyway…. how can we, humble makers of AWESOME GOD DAMN ROBOTS, fix what is surely an unfixable format? 3d-Palace robot lover and all round good egg Cris (thats me) suggests the simple changes to the format.
- Lets get REAL robots in. Boston Dynamics Robots, Honda, that insane Japanese man who makes his own Gundams. Give them a budget and ask them to build a robot.
- ARM THE ROBOT. Give it real guns, missiles, cover it in god damn barbed wire for all I care, give it REAL WEAPONS.
- Use a programming team to use deep learning and all that cool stuff and make it autonomous. Anything enters that damn arena, that bad boy will rip it to SHIT. Anything goes. Some 15 year old chases a balloon onto the arena then get a mop ready.
- Use HOUSE ROBOT DRONES. Match not going well? Quarter of a million pounds of armed drone technology will push that baby along REAL FAST.
- Use a decent host. Not greasy Clarkson. Pull the entire damn Red Dwarf team out, get them drunk as balls, put bulletproof vests on them.
This will either be awesome or the death of humanity. Does it matter which? Are our political leaders doing any better? Get a Russian robot VS a USA robot and prove which team is better once and for all if you want. It will be more entertaining than bombing poor brown people and it is finally a good use for our awesome Robot Technology.
Current armed drones home made;
Real Robot with armaments
A nice example of a kindly referee.
With luck, enough of us will survive the impending robot revolution caused by season one for it to be recommissioned by our Robot Overlords. In the meantime I will be announcing our new fun past-time of 3d-palace Robot Wars to pass the time until we are all annihilated.
Big Hugs from Cris